Returning to HBO after 3 years, Six Feet Under creator Alan Ball brings us True Blood, a modern vampire series new to the season.

True Blood is based on the Southern Vampire Mysteries book series by Charlaine Harris. From the fashionable (and sexy) teaser poster, I assumed this would take place in a city underbelly (see Kindred: The Embraced). Much to my disappointment, the series is set in New Orleans, two years after vampires were confirmed to exist. The only reason they "came out of the coffin" was because a synthetic blood alternative was developed to ease human fears. Still surrounded by rumor, the rural backswamps are buzzing with news that a vamp has arrived. But what are humans concerned about (other than the fact that VAMPIRES SUCK YOUR BLOOD)? Apparently, consuming vampire blood gives humans temporary... let's call them super powers that raises cause for vampire concern in certain parts of the globe. Those interested in some rigorous vamp sex are also called "fang bangers", which we get to see footage of in the most awkward way (Six Feet Under also had some awkward sex scenes).

Obviously, those excited for this series has never heard of this book series. If I had known what it was about, I would not care one bit. I have yet to understand why the fangs are the maxillary lateral incisors instead of the canines. Some of the vampire lore holds true for this story, such as silver's effect on vamp flesh and the shapeshifting bit. But I really can't trust some southern romance writer to know a vampire if it bit her in the ass.

The only cast member that you'll recognize is Anna Paquin as Sooky, who ditches her natural brunette locks for an unnatural blonde look. The pony-tail really draws attention to her teeth, which have more space between them than the Mexico border. She's using her acceptable southern accent that she used for X-Men (which may explain why she got the role), but I'm thinking that her performance could be more believable. Other laughably awful characters include a gay, black chef and Sooky's grandmother who gets flustered when thinking about fang banging. It's bad. These characters are not written well and it pains me to hear the lines (especially in that accent).

I think HBO has a case of "JJ Abrams fever" when it comes to Alan Ball. Just because someone makes one good thing, it does not mean they make all good things. I really can't see this series lasting long enough to develop, but I can see HBO buying a whole season of this and dropping it like Carnivale. I will not be setting time out of my schedule for this one and I would say this is not like anything anyone expected.